4.12.2014

after the happily ever after



There are a few things coming between me and continuity.  As with any creative endeavor, I can't come at it straight on.  I wander about it a lot, looking at it from all angles, giving it room to breathe, making sure I'm not over working it.

Writing bits of my life down is no different.  I can't just sit down and say today was a day and see how it blends with all the other days preceding it in any sharable context.  I need some perspective.  A storyline.  Living in this constant state of bliss is helping me understand why happily ever after is a great place to end a story.  I should say a word or two about what I mean by bliss.  I don't mean that everything works out perfectly or that I don't still have moods I don't understand.  I just mean that's it's bliss sharing it all with someone.  {Maybe he'd say otherwise about the mood part?}

I've been telling my story from one {singular} angle for so long I don't know how to share this happily ever after part.   How to write 'today was a lovely day and all the ones before it were also lovely' without, as David's grandpa once said, having the depth of a paper plate?

I was laid up for the better part of last week with what I consider my foray into my golden years {nasty lower back pain} so I had a lot of time to think.  And observe.

Other than the patterns of changing light {and a lot of Netflix} I observed my husband.  I'm married to a very good man.  This I already knew of course.  But I know it better now after having him see me at my worst, and instead of wallowing in it with me, he pulled me out of it with his sense of humor and his very {very} good nature.  Levity is always needed.  I love laughing with him.  Especially now that it doesn't hurt so much.

I'm not giving up on figuring out how to tell this part of our story.  It's too good not to tell.  We are so immersed in blessings I don't know where one ends and the next begins.  David's finals start this week, then there's the Law Review write-on and then there's a handful of precious days, and he'll be off to Hong Kong for a speedy internship with the second largest law firm in the world.  And if that's not cool enough, he'll be coming home and making the cross-country journey to DC where he'll be spending the rest of the summer with the National Gallery of Art in their legal department.  Vesper is already lamenting his leaving.  I'm avoiding the fact all together.  As I said, I'm married to a very good man and my story just isn't complete without him anymore.

3.20.2014

Oh, hey there. Here we are again.



Since I've been gone awhile I feel like I should have some grand speech about what I've been up to.  Truth be told, I don't have an explanation because it wasn't planned.  The time has just done what time does best and before I knew it I had a full fledged gap in all things written and that expansive jump back into the swing of things {imagined or not} kept getting bigger the longer I let it go.  It was both soothing and alarming to know the world continued on despite capturing it in my weekly increments.

I've missed it though.  This documenting my life. It's beyond special to me and has become so much more so sharing it with my bestie so while I'm sure I'll continue grappling with why I find it appealing to share it in this format, I want to find a balanced way to continue figuring it out.  That may be part of the appeal right there.  It's an active way for me to see how my story is unfolding.  Writing it gives me an opportunity to see it for what it is.  It's up to me to see it in a way that will be meaningful to me or it could so easily slip by without seeing all the collected moments for the treasures they are. 

I wanted to have great big plans for my dear little blog for the year and here we are nearly living those beautiful spring April days and I'm ashamed I've kept in all the loveliness I could have been sharing up to this point.

That's what my blog has meant most to me.  Sharing the beauty I experience.  And that's what I want to get back to.

So without making a big deal about it.  Here we are again.  And what a good day to come back.  Today is my grandparent's 71st anniversary and that's pretty monumental if you ask me.  If you asked them, they wouldn't fuss much about it.  They'd smile at each other and if you paid close attention you'd feel a million shared memories pass between them.  Dave and I aren't even three months into this marital bliss thing and I have already full on cried unabashed tears at the end of Iron Lady because I can't ever imagine being without him.  So glad I could get over that melodramatic moment and remember I never truly have to worry about that since he's mine for forever.

I feel an update is in order.  We'll call it an almost quarterly review.  We've fallen into a really great rhythm here at our orange brick house.  David studies and doesn't play the piano nearly enough but when he does it feels the whole house and my whole heart. I putter about doing my thing when I'm not at work,which could mean an array of things from cleaning out the garage to painting something or curling up the cat to just be.  Speaking of her Royal Catness, she reigns with a furry fist and I'm relatively sure it isn't just my imagination that she now favors the Master of the Wardhaus.  How do I know?  I'm typing solo at the dining table listening to the fridge grumble and those two are thick as thieves reading all about civil procedures in the other room.  We're all set for planting the big garden in the backyard and lots of bike rides in the coming weeks before David heads out for a summer of internships.  And that's about as good of a cliffhanger as I'll ever have.  So with that, another day, my friends.

12.20.2013

51/52

My last post as a single woman!  Last night was my last night in our little orange brick house as a single girl.  Last night was also Vesper's last night with cuddling privileges.  I didn't have the heart to tell her she'd be curling up with a heater vent from here on out so we'll have to sit down and have a chat later.  

We've been counting down for weeks now so as the days have dwindled down to hours reality seems to have skipped town and I might be in a state of some kind of shock.  Good shock.  Happy shock.  I just don't know if I'm quite grasping the magnitude of what's going to happen in just a few days.  I see little hints that it's really happening all around me.  It looks like JCrew moved into my closet, my sock drawer has man socks {that haven't been pilfered from my dad} lined up next to my girly polka dot socks.  There is a towel that isn't mine hanging from the back of the bathroom door.  But I still can't quite believe it.  In less than 70 hours I'll be married to my best friend.  Forever.  This is totally nuts.

As is customary, to sum up my year: 3 new countries and 2 new states visited, my first 100 mile ride, a new job, a new city, and last but certainly not least - a new husband.  Yep, it's been a really, really good year.

Thank you for your part in the awesomeness.  I love sharing bits of what makes my life happy with you.

12.07.2013

49/52

Last year as I tracked my time in weekly segments I could tell you with certainty which week of the year it was at any given moment.  Biting my time off in weekly chunks was as organized and methodical as this little organizer could dream for and I felt a sense of accomplishment when I could neatly tie up my year in 52 weeks.

But as with so many other wonderful discoveries this year, this other count down has been so much more fun.  16 days.  16 days until my life 'literally changes over night' as the handsome man that will be at the center of that change said over pizzadias the other night.  What is a pizzadia, you may be wondering.  Come visit us sometime, we'll make you one in three minutes flat and I promise you amazed tastebros.

I'm sure it doesn't take a stretch of imagination to wonder what may be be keeping me from writing with regularity.  You  might be so generous to give me easy excuses that run along the theme of she's in love, planning a wedding, nesting, and much too distracted to write.  Which are all true statements, and all very good excuses, if any are needed.  But I've {mostly} gotten over the guilt that comes with journaling in any form, because if it is my story I'm telling then I can choose to leave out bits.  You know, add a little intrigue and mystery.  Nobody really wants to be an open book anyway.  And really, what I'd write is much too replete with the kind of details that only mean what they really mean to the two people caught up in it.  So it isn't so much a lack of time that has kept me away.  As busy as a day can be, there are still quiet moments of reflection like this one spent on my warm nest three floors up in my beloved Pollyanna observing the lightening shades of grey of the new Saturday happening outside.  I don't feel flustered or out of breath or wishing for extra hours.  Just extra senses to feel these moments all the more.  For once, writing doesn't seem to be the right outlet to capture what is in my heart.  I rather just be.  No way could I possibly get it down in words.  I'd merely scrape the surface and drive myself batty in the trying.

I both love and loathe that there is an expiration date for engagement.  To be engaged.  To be so excited.  So sure of so many happy memories to come.  To have our whole lives ahead of us.  To be in the before.  With so much looking forward to look forward to in no way would I like to find myself suspended forever in this state of before.  But I do want to capture it.  Breathe it in.  Enjoy every slow moving minute before life does it's thing and speeds up and before I know it I'm looking back at this time wondering how I didn't spend every spare moment just soaking it in.

So back to soaking it in while I listen to the day begin with aliens in the radiator doing their thing, my parents quietly talking, and my 16 day fiance wrapped up like a caterpillar on the sofa bed hopefully dreaming of something lovely like chips and salsa and not something like coming to the nuisance.

11.08.2013

PS


We're on Busath's blog right now.  Go check it out!

45/52

I know I'm behind on writing when I have to google to find out what week of the year it is.  45!  What happened to the other ones in between the last post? 

just a few snapshots to catch you up a bit

I miss the Pollyanna but not enough to go back.  So much history there.  So many wonderful memories.  I left with the reassurance that it'd always have a happy place tucked in my heart.  Who knew I'd have a piece of it to hang on my wall?  That brilliant man of mine straight up snagged a piece of it that I'll cherish forever.  Further proof to me that I snagged myself a real fine man.  This guy has birthday gift giving down.

I believe if we could read Vesper's blog {I'm so sure she has one} it would tell you that she thinks this move was all about her.  She has reached kitty nirvana.  While I took to apartment living like squirrel in a tree, she did not.  Her forlorn prowling meowing like a deranged banshee is at an all time low.  I accredit this to the abundance of grass in the yard, spending all-nighters outdoors with all the other street kitties in our neighborhood, and a crawlspace she found in the wall that I've blocked off but she has most certainly not forgotten.  Sometimes I find her staring at it like she does the fridge.  Open! Please, please open!
My new job is a dream.  Truly.  Each day it has gotten better and better.  This was last Friday when we all channeled our inner elf and decorated the showroom for Christmas.  The way I feel right now is reminiscent of how school felt.  Not anything about my work exactly.  More to do with how I had so much to do at that time in my life and the ideas and creativity seemed to flow with abandon.  And so much energy to do it all.  I'm loving every minute of it.
Our house is taking shape and really starting to feel like home.  Really, anytime we're there together it feels like home.  You know what I mean.  The boxes are unpacked, the list of things that needed to be fixed and improved are getting checked off.  I know I'm going to have to remind myself occasionally that this place is a rental because I'd love to do some real work to this cute diamond in the rough.
And this man.  Oh this man!  He's the reason behind everything.

10.25.2013

43/52


Are you're checking back in to see if the next seven days were as action packed as the last?  I can assure you the excitement level has not fizzled in the slightest.  It's holding steady at an all time high and not a chance of letting up anytime soon.  Please don't read me wrong here.  I have not turned into one of those annoyingly always happy people.  I don't trust them, so why would I join them?  I mean, really, it just doesn't seem natural.  But with the amount of planning and organizing and general giddiness involved in my day to day?  You know this planning junkie is well supplied with all the brain fodder needed for a good time.

I'm happy to report another week of the mister and I checking off lists and making this wedding planning thing/moving thing pretty much a delightful experience.  House painted {thanks to my big brother Ben to the rescue!!}- check.  Suit purchased - check.  Flight to our honeymoon adventure booked - check and check. {!!!}
None of this bridezilla stuff.  No melt downs over yucky bathtubs and coming face to face with all the little imperfections of a 70+ year old home as I crawl around with a paintbrush trying to cover them all up. No getting caught up in trying to pull of a shindig that is anything but a reflection of us, and our gratitude for the people who helped get us to this point.  That last part are his words, not mine.  Leave it him to help me gain some perspective on why it's not a good idea to just call it good with some yummy Indian catering and run off into the sunset.  I totally get it, I really do.  But I'm an all or nothing kinda girl.  When it comes to throwing a party equal to celebrating the happiness I feel, it's hard to set boundaries.  So when my practical hey-we're-law-school-one income-kind of people right now side comes face to flip-side face with the full fledged-I've-been-dreaming-of-this-my-whole-life-romantic side... Well... you can imagine there's going to be a certain amount of soul searching on how to strike a balance.  {Yes, it really is a matter of the soul.  I take centerpieces very seriously.}
And all that has been going on in the corners reserved in my mind for fun thoughts as I finish out my last days of work, pack and clean, and paint every surface of our new house and pack and clean some more.  It's been quite the week.  We're past the two month mark to the Big Day so now we're into counting t-minus one month and x amount of days til forever.