tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56305254743374508472024-03-05T22:13:04.990-07:00design sparrowjenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.comBlogger453125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-57580657480466573572014-07-26T07:51:00.001-06:002014-07-26T07:51:17.918-06:00JUNE<br />
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June was a much anticipated month. Once the decision was made that we were both DC bound that's where my thoughts would go if ever given a moment to explore on themselves. And to kick it off with a nice big fat road trip made it all the better. Road trips are so good. As David observed as we were laughing ourselves silly over something that would only be funny if you were there in the car with us between here and there, you enter into another dimension out there on the road. Things that normally wouldn't happen actually do happen and seem entirely normal. Or all the more abnormal.... It's the way things work. </div>
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It wasn't really out of the way exactly to swing by Chicago on the way. Why wouldn't we go. That was my thought when I saw it there along the map right in the middleish where we might want to get out of the car for a bit and stretch our legs. And stretch we did. We walked from the apartment we rented along the parks lining the lake to Millennium Park, then over to Magnificent Mile, enjoying the river along the way. From there we looked up near by restaurants and the first one caught our imagination so off we went on a walk to Wicker Park. Not exactly a little walk from downtown. By the time we got to Native Foods we were thirsty and really ready for lunch. This little restaurant will live on in memory as the vest vegan restaurant I've been to yet. I'll leave it at that. I could go on and on and tell you about how I entertained the idea of owning a franchise and opening one in our beloved Avenues, but I'll just let that dream hibernate back there in the far fetched corner and dust it off from time to time.<br />
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As if we hadn't walked enough, we explored Wicker Park and as we were sitting in the cool grassy shade this guy came up to us and paid us all kinds of the nicest compliments and asked if he could take our picture. Then asked if we were an item. If married is considered an item, then yes. He seemed to think so. We walked our way all the way home after that and after bit of downtime hopped on our bikes and road over to a Thai place to pick up take out to eat while watching Foyle's War. It must of been in the stars that day to eat only the finest things. If it's possible to have two encounters with life altering food in one day we did it. Best green curry in my life so far. Why are all the best foods far flung across the globe? The dream of the best stake of my life tempts me from South Africa to this day.</div>
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After a delightful night with Vicky and Serge and waking up to dappled sunlight and the refreshing sound of rushing water in the stream in the backyard, we went to Kensington to move into our little red house for the summer. Finding this place is part of a string of miracles that strengthens my belief in a loving Father in Heaven. Our marriage has been full of those undeniable miracles. Having a place to live rent free convenient to the metro happened so naturally it felt meant to be. A week before we left I found an internship with a company that has turned out to be one of the best I've worked for. It just so happened that it's 3 miles from home. Miracle number one hundred and I've lost count.<br />
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A Friday night date night took on the the train to Old Town Alexandria. We walked along King Street watching the people and looking for just the right restaurant for dinner. We found it in a little Thai place by the water where we could sit out on the porch in the lowering light. We crossed the street to say hello to that kitty in the window already missing our kitty back home.<br />
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The Torpedo Factory! This place is still one of my favorite memories to this point. I was back in Alexandria the next week for work and when the install finished up early I walked a few blocks over to wander around inside the working artist studio galleries. Many of the artists were there working and ready to chat. I had some meaningful exchanges full of encouragement. It was soul quenching to talk to perfect strangers about my real fears of being an artist. Why be scared? Just keep doing it. That's what I've decided for now.<br />
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Cobblestones on Prince Street. I turned a corner and there they were all lined up in busy rows circling around each other and struck through with all kinds of leaf litter. And all that distilled sunshine made for the best kind of wandering. Every now and again I have moments like that where I can see potential in everything around me. I want to paint it. Design it. Get run over by it. <br />
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Super Dave rides his bike to work once or twice a week. I tagged along and decided it in the 16 miles each way you get a good sampling of every type of thing you might imagine on a bike ride. A few different neighborhoods each different from each other, some light trespassing to cut around a construction zone, a fun bit where you get to carry your bike through a crack in a fence and down a slippery embankment to a bike path that goes under a building and drops you off in the heart of Bethesda Row a trendy little neighborhood near my work, then along the Capital Crescent Trail, over the canal at Georgetown, across the Key Bridge to the Mount Vernon Trail, cross over the Potomac River again on the Memorial Bridge this time, then on to the National Mall to pass by a handful of Memorials, over to Pennsylvania Avenue past the White House, continue on a stretch with the Capital down the road to work at the NGA. It makes for a nice run on sentence and a pretty great ride too I think.<br />
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Georgetown</div>
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The tunnel on the Capital Crescent Trail.</div>
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The squirrels that live along the National Mall are fearless and well fed.</div>
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Worth the three plus hour drive to Falling Water. Even if we didn't make a reservation so we could only tour the grounds. We stole some peaks inside which only made it all the better for subterfuge sake. Plus, we had an adventure along the way in Cumberland. The creepiest ghost town ever. Not exactly a true ghost town, but it has the feeling of abandonment. And the biggest flea market I've ever been to. </div>
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The trees here are beyond words. They make me feel so small. This is a bloom on the magnolia giant down the road.</div>
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And that about sums up June.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17218271920829292973noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-3648765307691206722014-07-08T10:10:00.001-06:002014-07-08T10:10:29.974-06:00MAY<br />
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May was definitely the longest month of the year so far. David couldn't sneak his birthday past me two years in a row so we celebrated him on the 4th and then he spent the rest of the month in Hong Kong interning with the largest law firm in the world, Baker and Mckenzie, and I spent the month keeping myself busy with a list I kept extra long with all kinds of fun things like car maintenance, yard work, gardening, packing and organizing for our summer adventure and preparing for the yard sale I had the last day of May. Thanks to my parents for staying over with me the night before and making the day so much fun. We started early and had a steady flow of people buying up all the things that were cluttering up the garage and the money covered our trip back East so I'd say it was a huge success. Then we packed it up at noon and I went and picked up David from the airport. It was so good to see him and watch the surprise on his face since he was expecting a curbside pickup. But that just isn't romantic is it? Hop in, I've missed you, let's go. Nope. That just wouldn't do.</div>
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Grandma checked Mother of The Year off of her bucket list. We all knew she held that honor, but now Bountiful knows too.</div>
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My dresser has been mine for as long as I can remember. It's always every changing so it was like a personal archaeological dig as I sanded down through the layers. We've been in DC just over a month now and just long enough to really start to miss our little place.</div>
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One of the evening bike rides I went on up the canyon wishing he was with me.</div>
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Vesper is most definitely a backyard kind of kitty. She likes plenty of grass to munch and water straight from the hose was a new found summer time treat.</div>
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Grandma ended up spending some of the month, and all of June, mending after a fall in the backyard. She's made of the toughest stuff and worked hard to make it home on July 4th. A great way to celebrate Independence Day!</div>
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Grandpa Awesome visits were like clockwork. He would go every day at 3 for an hour. Watching the way they love each other is inspiring and filled with kindness and sincerity.</div>
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May was necessary to keep the year going along, but I'll like it if we never have to spend time apart like that again. As with any time you get to do something you don't necessarily want to do, it only made it all the more clear what is important in life.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17218271920829292973noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-27115826091158496592014-06-27T09:24:00.002-06:002014-06-27T09:24:58.800-06:00APRIL<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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April. Always such a hopeful month. </div>
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A client flew me to San Francisco to see her home so I could help her select furniture. After I got in the wrong car with the wrong stranger and almost went to do work in a stadium instead of a home in Palo Alto, we realized the mistake, and she took me back to the airport where I got in the right car this time and enjoyed my time there and came home with all kinds of great ideas for her beautiful home. It's too bad she wasn't in any real hurry to make any decisions so I left my job at the end of May without having accomplished much for her. </div>
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The best part of the very quick day trip was coming home. My parents picked me up from the airport and we spent a sun filled evening at the Awesome's where I got in some much needed hugs and laughs then I went home where David and I talked and talked like I'd been gone much longer than 24 hours.<br />
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The next morning I got up ready to go to work and put all my ideas for my new project into motion when I hurt my back putting on my pants. {"That's what you get for wearing pants." David told me later when he got home. It hurt so bad to laugh but it was such a funny David thing to say.} I'll probably never forget that tearful crawl to find my phone so I could call in to work. Then my call to my parents since I'd missed a call from them while I was crawling pathetically down the hall. It was much more than serendipity that they were already on their way to come see me. They were bringing me my disposable razor and a pair of shoes I'd forgotten at their place. They'd called the night before when I was only a block away to let me know I'd left them, but I decided quickly not to go back for them because I didn't need them and I was really ready to be go home. I'm so glad they decided it was worth a 45 minute drive to return them since I ended up needing my parents much more than the forgotten items. We sat in the living room waiting for David to come home from class talking and trying not laugh because it hurt. Family is so good. Especially mine.</div>
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I spent the next five days in bed mostly, trying to be a good patient for David. I felt pathetic and frustrated to waste a perfectly beautiful conference weekend in bed, but he much more patient with me than I was and reassured me with a priesthood blessing he and my dad gave me and he took very good care of me. My parents drove down again with dinner for us and some dirt bags to use to plant seeds inside for the garden. </div>
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The last day of my resting we celebrated knowing each other for a whole year by driving through the avenues taking photos for an art project, then having dinner at the restaurant he took me on our first date. We were trying to imagine ourselves a year ago on that rainy night, not knowing how in just a year our lives could change so much. The intoxicating newness of love is over rated when compared to what I feel for him now. It was a fun contrast to think of the handsome stranger with kind eyes that intrigued me that night, to the caring man with a familiar {and still so surprising} soul I share my heart with every moment.</div>
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The trail leading up through Provo Canyon is a lot of fun for us, and convenient from our home so it's becoming the ride of choice for me. We rode to Vivian Park two weeks after my foray into lower back pain and it felt so good to feel the strength of my body return. </div>
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The dirt bags at their prime. David watered them diligently and gave me the best instructions to plant them after Mother's Day. If only he'd been there to watch over them when they went out into the cold hard world. He wouldn't have let them be so shocked by the change.</div>
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Vesper at her morning perch. Her daily duties involve following the sunshine through the house sampling her favorite napping locations and imploring anyone who goes into the kitchen for food. David is her most favored counterpart in getting the fridge to open. She knows how to prey on the tender hearted. </div>
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More riding. Lots and lots of riding. I'll follow him anywhere.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17218271920829292973noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-37450946234333889192014-06-27T08:37:00.001-06:002014-06-27T08:37:22.214-06:00MARCH<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrewicFG_WbWHzx3QRy5E1qaPqQOCRI2ipx_vZ2nwWxss8laf4bhZ21T__alzJwImvI4L7GKjtTtICahaLPi9-88LwXGOvPYAiQGzBu_DIaDknHYSFaCvqdh7DY_a2nKpRvapVbdGLKLTb/s1600/IMG_7383.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrewicFG_WbWHzx3QRy5E1qaPqQOCRI2ipx_vZ2nwWxss8laf4bhZ21T__alzJwImvI4L7GKjtTtICahaLPi9-88LwXGOvPYAiQGzBu_DIaDknHYSFaCvqdh7DY_a2nKpRvapVbdGLKLTb/s1600/IMG_7383.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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Sadly, not much to be said about March at this point. I don't have many vivid memories, just a blur of happiness and a few photos collected to give March it's moment. The photo above was taken in Oakley when we drove up one a Sunday afternoon and had dinner with my dear friends Suzanne and Greg at their horse ranch.</div>
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Late one Friday night I sprung a wild idea on David to move our room around. It was high time for some rearranging. Vesper was as excited as I was. She likes curiosity, and moving furniture creates all kinds of adventures for a cat. David laughed at my timing, but he was amenable so long as it was quick. The bonus came in the ambition of the curious cat to leap to the top of the upended mattress where she would be able to look down on us once again. She used to have a kitty loft where she could watch the goings on of the Pollyanna kitchen. We took a long break in the middle to 'help' the cat in her endeavor. It was clear in the twitch of her tail and her false starts that she was after greatness. We stood by cheering, which I'm sure took some of her will to leap right out her. It would be unthinkable to have her humans watching these kinds of things with such rapt attention. It'd be too much like entertainment, and that's a dog's job. Saturday I took down the too colorful and patterned window panels that were the perfect thing for my dark basement room on 7th avenue, but really wrong in our room. Then stripped the bed of my colorful collection of blankets and patterned pillows, and our room instantly felt bigger and brighter. I've always had an eclectic collection of things made up from treasure hunts and my evolving aesthetic, so it was a fun change of pace to start with a blank slate and begin to slowly build a new nest more suited to fit an us in it rather that just a me. I hung the impulsively, but instantly loved, His and Her bikes we got with some wedding cash and the new sheer panels and our room felt like it was welcoming a new season with much more sunshine to come.</div>
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Dillon and Seaira stayed with my parents while Ben and Kwona took Cari and Devin to Oregon to have their friend do some dental work on them. Dillon threw a balloon high in the air at Liberty Park and said 'Watch this!' </div>
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A painting I almost gave up on when David gave me some of his thoughts on what he was seeing and opened my eyes to a direction to take it in that I hadn't considered. I'm still critical of it, but I look at it now and like the memory of what it felt like to have him see potential where I didn't see any. I've never felt comfortable creating anything with anyone around to see the progress, or lack of, while I'm working. It's been surprising to me to enjoy hearing his thoughtful thoughts on things. It's the honest truth that this man of mine makes living much, much better.</div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">David had been out on his bike more than I'd been on mine so you can't tell from this photo but I felt like my lungs were trying to escape right out of me and flutter away in the wind after climbing our way to the top of a {very long, seemingly never ending} steep hill. I used the convenient blossoming tree at the top as an excuse to stop and enjoy the sunshine for a minute.</span></div>
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Our garden after we tilled it on a blissfully warm Friday afternoon. It looks so hopeful and ready to grow wonderful things. If only David hadn't left it in my care while he went to Hong Kong in May. I did my very best. And now we've left it in the hands of our kind subletters so we'll see how it's doing at the end of the summer.</div>
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My caked pallet that I've been dabbling from more lately though I still feel like it's an uphill battle. For every tiny bit I like I feel like there are layers and layers of failures. As much as I love having David's encouragement I have a real worry that I'll never find a way to express what I see. I like to think I'm peeling away at something and will find what I'm looking for it if I just I keep after it.</div>
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And to finish off with a bookend memory, a cozy Sunday evening spent with Matt and Sarah and their cute kids in Olympus Cove. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17218271920829292973noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-50205686989847237042014-06-20T08:07:00.000-06:002014-06-20T08:08:48.602-06:00FEBRUARY<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The difficult thing about writing in the past tense is not remembering all the little day to day details. I remember slivers of February. A clear, brisk hike around the neighborhoods nestled into the mountainside. Picnics in our room watching copious amounts of The Good Wife and talking about the characters like they're real people. Vesper working her kitty charms on David, slowly winning him over. Missing him from Saint George for ten days while we installed the parade homes. Fun adventures when he came down and we spent a week playing and napping and getting in lots of quality time with Ben's family. Kwona's cooking. {David would want me to add a few !! after Kwona's cooking.}</div>
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Our view from the house we rented for the install on Coral Canyon golf course. It was fun for me to live just off a tee box where I had worked at for three years. I have so many happy memories getting up before the sun, being outside every day of the year in every weather condition, chasing lizards and catching anything that moved.</div>
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Ben came and picked me up from one of the parade homes since I didn't have a car and took me back to Hurricane with Dillon and Seaira in the back of his Camaro drawing while we chatted. It felt so SO good to be with my family. I was completely soaking it in. We were having family night with my parents on skype when they had a surprise visitor - Dave-David!! - so he was there with us and I couldn't stop staring at him.<br />
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I took this photo in our shower the night I left. I love the sunlight in there late in the afternoon so I asked him to get in with me to soak it in for a minute. I'm glad he puts up with my silly ways.</div>
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Someday I'd love to live in a home in Kayenta. I imagine it as our retirement destination. Him with his books and his writing. Me with my brushes and my paints. And cats. More than one cat.</div>
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Our kitty. Somewhere early on in the year she went from being my kitty to our kitty. </div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17218271920829292973noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-27870433679743197942014-06-20T08:05:00.000-06:002014-06-27T07:34:05.452-06:00JANUARY<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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I've spent some time recently putting together an album of our wedding and as a consequence I was sifting through some photos on my phone. Which lead to a massive download of photos. Which lead to a healthy dose of rebuking thoughts {again} about my aversion to blogging as of late. I'm calling myself to the carpet. So without further rambling excuses, I bring to you a massive catch up session.</div>
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Starting out the year as Mrs. Ward should be a good indication to where this year is headed. And having the advantage of being a time traveler, I can tell you the first six months have been every bit as awesome as the months leading up to our wedding day. My parents are fond of saying that it only gets better from here. I'm happy to be able to agree with them. </div>
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David settled into our little orange bring home and it feels like it's always been this way. It doesn't matter what was going on during the day, coming home feels special. Our time together in all the in between moments is priceless. And even with law school demands and working full time I don't feel any lack in our relationship. If anything, I think we appreciate our time together all the more when it comes with so many other things competing for our attention.</div>
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Lunch with Heather and Miles at Sawadee {a favorite Thai place and our third -and fateful -date restaurant}before they headed home to California.</div>
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We spent a couple days in Midway with David's family after we got home from our honeymoon in San Francisco. We had an unseasonably warm and very bright blue day, perfect for walking to the ice castles and watching some of the family ice skate. We went to Saving Mr Banks with David's parents that night.<br />
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My work threw an after party instead of trying to fit it in with all the other pre-holiday scramble. We had a fun evening that started off in a party bus with a surprise location - the new Trolley Square location that was under construction at the time - where we had dinner, followed by hot cocoa at Hatches. It was done up in true Alice Lane style. Tasteful, elegant, fun, with luxurious gifts and stocked with good people and music.<br />
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My main projects at work at this time were working on the upcoming model home set to install by the end of the month, and two parade homes in Saint George in February. As you can imagine, with installs that close together there is a certain level of stress to manage. I work well under this kind of pressure, nothing makes me happier than managing a bunch of moving parts and organizing details. It's a bit harder to not be more in control of my day to day since I was playing more of an assisting position without much say in how my days would play out. The designer in charge of the projects is capable and talented and her way is no more right or wrong than my way, but I found it incredibly difficult to fit myself into the small space I was given to work within. I would say this was my lowest point in my design career thus far. In the 12 years I've worked in the design industry this was the most challenging because I felt my hands were tied so much of the time and felt like I wasn't trusted to do much more than manual labor. By the time we completed the third install in St. George I was on the verge of quitting my job. I knew I'd be happier doing anything anywhere else. </div>
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There were definite moments of levity and clarity. Most of those were because of my dear sweet husband who would listen to me and help me see things in perspective. He would help me remember the blessing he gave me the night before I started working there and the promise that important work would be accomplished, among other things. I took that to mean at the time that I would be challenged as a designer and get to produce great work. Instead, looking back, I can see it challenged my character and how I chose to handle disappointment and difficult situations.</div>
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I should make it clear that my entire time was not difficult or disappointing. Not at all. I enjoyed the people I worked with very much and I liked being part of something that was so successful. I rubbed shoulders with a lot of very creative and inspiring people and I'm grateful I had the opportunity to be there. I came away from my experience a better person {I hope?} so that's what it can amount to. Another experience that will help shape whatever it is needing to be shaped or smoothed.</div>
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I promised David I'd give it a year at least before I chopped my hair off again, which seemed like a promise I could keep. Until I had a string of weeks of really bad hair and absolutely not an ounce of desire to deal with it. So instead, I made it a few weeks into the new year before I decided one day to do it, and by the weekend I had shed all that mess and felt like me again. Funny how that works isn't it?</div>
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No photo of the cut just yet, but a photo of a tree from that day that I will covet until I have one of my own.</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17218271920829292973noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-12275663191847309712014-06-12T08:44:00.000-06:002014-06-12T08:44:17.964-06:00what are you going to do today?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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He asked me this while we were laying in bed enjoying the silver silence this morning. Of course I have a list of things to be done in my head, I usually do. And if for some reason I don't, the first thing on the list is to make one. This isn't novel, I'm sure someone out there is nodding their head agreeing with me. Not to be mistaken for creating lists just to appear or make myself busy, or having lists longer than I can accomplish just to overwhelm myself. I just like a good running log of things to organize. You too? <br />
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Today though, for some reason I didn't want to own up to any of the things not included, but most definitely, on my list. If I actually wrote them down list form it somehow would seem less purposeful somehow. </div>
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Here's the thing. I've been thinking a lot about how I would spend my free time here on our grand East Coast adventure. I want to make it meaningful. And I don't think it can be done with too much structure. I want to create, write, breathe, work hard, relax, and most of all be free of old ways of thinking. Crack open a new chapter and write something meaningful on the pages of what I'm sure we'll recall fondly as 'the summer we spent in DC interning'. And while that phrase will bring with it all the things we saw and did, I also want it to recall a time when I dug deep and discovered more within, even as we discover the gems in our charming neighborhood and beyond.</div>
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With plenty of free time on my hands after my cushy part time intern hours, I'm determined to do more thinking and less listing of things to accomplish. Lucky for me I'm married to a thinker, I'll use him as my guide if I get lost in this quest. He can be so still. I'm envious of this talent of his. I've been proud of my multi-tasking self and the ability to get a lot done until recently when I've started to ask myself some questions expecting different answers. What am I accomplishing? Is it all that important, or am I doing it simply because that's how I've done it in the past? Always in search of feeling new things, I don't ever want to be bored within myself and I feel like it'll be an adventure to try to slow it all down and just be.</div>
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I've been reading about solitude, and concentration, and being a leader. And thinking. How to think better and be less fragmented. And about courage of the moral variety, not the physical type, which you have to have to bike around here by the way. Somehow it all feels very connected and I'm getting that sense of being in the middle of a thought that will take some time to form. </div>
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One of those things off the list, so to speak, is to fine tune my ability to close my ears to the constant swirl of conventional wisdom and other people's opinions and focus on filtering through what's mine and what my mockingbird tendencies migrate toward repeating to me as my own thoughts like I came up with them all on my own.</div>
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So what am I going to do today? Aside from the real things on the list that certainly won't get in the way of one of our limited weekend adventures, I'm also going to concentrate on being alone with my thoughts. Getting past the first one that is most certainly someone else's idea that has been filed away as a good idea and hopefully stumble on something original and worth the effort it will take to cultivate it into something more than an idea. Then I want to look at it again. Think it over, figure it out from a new angle, and outlast the desire to call it good enough when my constrained multi-tasking mind wearies and wants to move on. I want to gather myself into a certain point and do something real with my day.</div>
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What are you going to do today?</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17218271920829292973noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-20790851709448959362014-05-27T15:53:00.000-06:002014-05-27T15:54:25.508-06:00this again<div style="text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Making: room for our </span>subletters<span style="font-family: inherit;"> and giant heaps of things for a yard sale this weekend </span></div>
Cooking: my second batch of curry in two weeks. Because I have a bag of potatoes going wilty in a hurry.<br />
Drinking: water infused with basil and cucumber<br />
Reading: his emails. Rinse/repeat/rereading his emails.<br />
Wanting: my 'want' list to vanish. Just stop it already. I don't need more grey tee shirts.<br />
Looking: forward to Saturday. Come home already.<br />
Playing: in the garden. I'm killing everything in sight, but it sure is fun.<br />
Wasting: nothing. I've never been a waster of things. Scrappy.<br />
Sewing: or not sewing. I'm more of a witch stitch kind of girl.<br />
Wishing: on kitty whiskers.<br />
Enjoying: missing him. I know, it's weird. I wouldn't have chosen to do it in the first place and if I get my way we'll never do it again. But you know, making lemonade and all that.<br />
Waiting: for the summer to really begin. It starts as soon as he steps off that plane.<br />
Liking: waking up early, puttering about in the sunlight, long bike rides up the canyon, packing, planting, painting.. So really, all things that make the time pass just a little faster.<br />
Wondering: why May has been the loooongest month of the year. <br />
Loving: more and more. It's true what they say about the more you love the more capacity you have to love all the more.<br />
Hoping: I never let memories go un-made.<br />
Marveling: at how this man walked into my life a little over a year ago and all the change that has happened since.<br />
Needing: nothing. Absolutely not a thing.<br />
Smelling: intoxicating summer smells. My bloodhound tendencies have been on overload. Watermelon. Fresh cut grass. Lavender lotion. Cool river smells. And other lovely scents floating in through the open window on the a faint breeze.<br />
Wearing: his button down shirts around the house.<br />
Following: my heart.<br />
Noticing: that I have 3 more days of work and it comes with a tinge of bittersweet. Those thoughts are followed by bossier thoughts of impending adventure and wondering what will come next. I can't help it, I'm an adventure nut.<br />
Knowing: it will fly by fast no matter how I try to draw it out. Why wouldn't it fly by? Last time I blinked it was a year ago.<br />
Thinking: in the abstract is fun. Blending lists and stream of thought? I like it.<br />
Bookmarking: things to do this summer. Places to explore, roads to go down, adventures to be had.<br />
Opening: myself up to possibilities. 'Can't' isn't in my vocab right now.<br />
Feeling: incomplete. In a really good way. Incomplete because he isn't here. Incomplete because I'm not done becoming. Incomplete because there is so much living to be done.<br />
Giggling: at Vesper. She's a funny cat.<br />
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jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-61567898193734968602014-05-17T14:33:00.000-06:002014-05-20T13:04:29.848-06:00working title<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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I'm sure you my dear reader will be sick to death of all my musings on the importance of writing here regularly and the struggle I'm having with it. I want to do good things with my time, and I want to share my thoughts, but I want to do it honestly and in a way that feels like it has purpose.</div>
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I haven't needed my outlet here because I've felt so content with life. My first blog was born at a time when I was putting life back together after my divorce and I continued with it because turns out it was fun. And then it became a way for me to feel like I was being heard. Sharing life with someone who gets me so completely has somehow made it all feel less important. But I miss the way writing forced me to see the positive. It helped me put my unfolding story into perspective in a way that I couldn't see without thinking about how I would write it. I still need that. So these posts that I write about writing, or lack of, are as important as the ones that are about actual life I suppose. It's all part of the process. </div>
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I'd love to share the letters zipping between Hong Kong and Orem. That would give a real illustration of life right now. I wake up hoping for an email and he does the same. Between the two of, we've been awake all month, keeping things happening 24 hours a day from our respective sides of the planet. Or as the cat might point out, someone is always napping. While I'd rather be together, this missing each other has had it's benefits too. I love writing him, and I love receiving his letters even more. </div>
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Tomorrow marks the halfway point and before I know it he'll be home at the end of the month. And with that will come a summer of adventure. I don't think last summer can be beat with almost every memory full of falling in love, but this will be awesome in it's own right. I gave notice at work and instead of hanging around Orem while he does his second internship, I'm going with him to DC. More specifically, we'll be house sitting in Maryland while he is working at the National Gallery of Art. </div>
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What will I be doing with myself while he works? I'm looking for internships but I'm being pretty picky about taking on anything that will gobble up my time. I've always <i>always</i> wanted to commit a chunk of time to creative endeavors to see what would happen. Now seems as good of time as any. So the pressure is on! I'm packing a box of canvas and paints and a brand new empty moleskine, as all good adventures require, and I'm excited to see what will happen.</div>
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And the road trips! Oh! The road trips! Last year when I got home from Europe I told David my next thing on my wanderlust list was to see the East Coast road trip style. I didn't think it'd happen the very next summer, so lucky lucky me I'll be seeing it with my sweet husband with our bikes strapped to the back of our car with a tent in the trunk. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17218271920829292973noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-86461578989357134482014-04-12T12:30:00.005-06:002014-04-12T12:37:27.701-06:00after the happily ever after<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There are a few things coming between me and continuity. As with any creative endeavor, I can't come at it straight on. I wander about it a lot, looking at it from all angles, giving it room to breathe, making sure I'm not over working it.<br />
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Writing bits of my life down is no different. I can't just sit down and say today was a day and see how it blends with all the other days preceding it in any sharable context. I need some perspective. A storyline. Living in this constant state of bliss is helping me understand why happily ever after is a great place to end a story. I should say a word or two about what I mean by bliss. I don't mean that everything works out perfectly or that I don't still have moods I don't understand. I just mean that's it's bliss sharing it all with someone. {Maybe he'd say otherwise about the mood part?} <br />
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I've been telling my story from one {singular} angle for so long I don't know how to share this happily ever after part. How to write 'today was a lovely day and all the ones before it were also lovely' without, as David's grandpa once said, having the depth of a paper plate?<br />
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I was laid up for the better part of last week with what I consider my foray into my golden years {nasty lower back pain} so I had a lot of time to think. And observe. <br />
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Other than the patterns of changing light {and a lot of Netflix} I observed my husband. I'm married to a very good man. This I already knew of course. But I know it better now after having him see me at my worst, and instead of wallowing in it with me, he pulled me out of it with his sense of humor and his very {very} good nature. Levity is always needed. I love laughing with him. Especially now that it doesn't hurt so much.<br />
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I'm not giving up on figuring out how to tell this part of our story. It's too good not to tell. We are so immersed in blessings I don't know where one ends and the next begins. David's finals start this week, then there's the Law Review write-on and then there's a handful of precious days, and he'll be off to Hong Kong for a speedy internship with the second largest law firm in the world. And if that's not cool enough, he'll be coming home and making the cross-country journey to DC where he'll be spending the rest of the summer with the National Gallery of Art in their legal department. Vesper is already lamenting his leaving. I'm avoiding the fact all together. As I said, I'm married to a very good man and my story just isn't complete without him anymore.<br />
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<br />jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-57660325945074485032014-03-20T21:18:00.001-06:002014-03-20T21:22:23.486-06:00Oh, hey there. Here we are again.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;">Since I've been gone awhile I feel like I should have some grand speech about what I've been up to. Truth be told, I don't have an explanation because it wasn't planned. The time has just done what time does best and before I knew it I had a full fledged gap in all things written and that expansive jump back into the swing of things {imagined or not} kept getting bigger the longer I let it go. It was both soothing and alarming to know the world continued on despite capturing it in my weekly increments.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I've missed it though. This documenting my life. It's beyond special to me and has become so much more so sharing it with my bestie so while I'm sure I'll continue grappling with why I find it appealing to share it in this format, I want to find a balanced way to continue figuring it out. That may be part of the appeal right there. It's an active way for me to see how my story is unfolding. Writing it gives me an opportunity to see it for what it is. It's up to me to see it in a way that will be meaningful to me or it could so easily slip by without seeing all the collected moments for the treasures they are. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">I wanted to have great big plans for my dear little blog for the year and here we are nearly living those beautiful spring April days and I'm ashamed I've kept in all the loveliness I could have been sharing up to this point. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">That's what my blog has meant most to me. Sharing the beauty I experience. And that's what I want to get back to. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">So without making a big deal about it. Here we are again. And what a good day to come back. Today is my grandparent's 71st anniversary and that's pretty monumental if you ask me. If you asked them, they wouldn't fuss much about it. They'd smile at each other and if you paid close attention you'd feel a million shared memories pass between them. Dave and I aren't even three months into this marital bliss thing and I have already full on cried unabashed tears at the end of Iron Lady because I can't ever imagine being without him. So glad I could get over that melodramatic moment and remember I never truly have to worry about that since he's mine for forever.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I feel an update is in order. We'll call it an almost quarterly review. We've fallen into a really great rhythm here at our orange brick house. David studies and doesn't play the piano nearly enough but when he does it feels the whole house and my whole heart. I putter about doing my thing when I'm not at work,which could mean an array of things from cleaning out the garage to painting something or curling up the cat to just be. Speaking of her Royal Catness, she reigns with a furry fist and I'm relatively sure it isn't just my imagination that she now favors the Master of the Wardhaus. How do I know? I'm typing solo at the dining table listening to the fridge grumble and those two are thick as thieves reading all about civil procedures in the other room. We're all set for planting the big garden in the backyard and lots of bike rides in the coming weeks before David heads out for a summer of internships. And that's about as good of a cliffhanger as I'll ever have. So with that, another day, my friends.</span></div>
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jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-51820277619059180322013-12-20T12:55:00.000-07:002013-12-20T12:55:07.943-07:0051/52<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3bu0mMyMA08y9HWHdLK1PLVl2PTNln6P8bkPcBLjFvHeno-TJJK9ZyEF6a6oMyzaS6MDFfEZMs3T2k4yWaAhTMzma7mQPV6WNHJz2Rd1EQsmmgafkYAhFd87Z4ySou42L2Jn5WDdD9aDN/s1600/photo(2).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3bu0mMyMA08y9HWHdLK1PLVl2PTNln6P8bkPcBLjFvHeno-TJJK9ZyEF6a6oMyzaS6MDFfEZMs3T2k4yWaAhTMzma7mQPV6WNHJz2Rd1EQsmmgafkYAhFd87Z4ySou42L2Jn5WDdD9aDN/s640/photo(2).JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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My last post as a single woman! Last night was my last night in our little orange brick house as a single girl. Last night was also Vesper's last night with cuddling privileges. I didn't have the heart to tell her she'd be curling up with a heater vent from here on out so we'll have to sit down and have a chat later. </div>
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We've been counting down for weeks now so as the days have dwindled down to hours reality seems to have skipped town and I might be in a state of some kind of shock. Good shock. Happy shock. I just don't know if I'm quite grasping the magnitude of what's going to happen in just a few days. I see little hints that it's really happening all around me. It looks like JCrew moved into my closet, my sock drawer has man socks {that haven't been pilfered from my dad} lined up next to my girly polka dot socks. There is a towel that isn't mine hanging from the back of the bathroom door. But I still can't quite believe it. In less than 70 hours I'll be married to my best friend. Forever. This is totally nuts.</div>
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As is customary, to sum up my year: 3 new countries and 2 new states visited, my first 100 mile ride, a new job, a new city, and last but certainly not least - a new husband. Yep, it's been a really, really good year.</div>
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Thank you for your part in the awesomeness. I love sharing bits of what makes my life happy with you.</div>
jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-31883570753170896792013-12-07T08:37:00.001-07:002013-12-07T08:37:08.975-07:0049/52<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6UR0xzotWMvDW_1vjiW1lUwwFjshHBXXJtg0ZEG0d8JfV9OLVoE1ok5CmgflpJ0TPjLw9i8QiDGM5x2fiL55jYp6mCs6_e0YQQtvihZI9IWd-4fb17Xu50FvErGGsy-jzvrKAAPsAiTA8/s1600/image.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6UR0xzotWMvDW_1vjiW1lUwwFjshHBXXJtg0ZEG0d8JfV9OLVoE1ok5CmgflpJ0TPjLw9i8QiDGM5x2fiL55jYp6mCs6_e0YQQtvihZI9IWd-4fb17Xu50FvErGGsy-jzvrKAAPsAiTA8/s640/image.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Last year as I tracked my time in weekly segments I could tell you with certainty which week of the year it was at any given moment. Biting my time off in weekly chunks was as organized and methodical as this little organizer could dream for and I felt a sense of accomplishment when I could neatly tie up my year in 52 weeks. </div>
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But as with so many other wonderful discoveries this year, this other count down has been so much more fun. 16 days. 16 days until my life 'literally changes over night' as the handsome man that will be at the center of that change said over pizzadias the other night. What is a pizzadia, you may be wondering. Come visit us sometime, we'll make you one in three minutes flat and I promise you amazed tastebros.</div>
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I'm sure it doesn't take a stretch of imagination to wonder what may be be keeping me from writing with regularity. You might be so generous to give me easy excuses that run along the theme of she's in love, planning a wedding, nesting, and much too distracted to write. Which are all true statements, and all very good excuses, if any are needed. But I've {mostly} gotten over the guilt that comes with journaling in any form, because if it is my story I'm telling then I can choose to leave out bits. You know, add a little intrigue and mystery. Nobody really wants to be an open book anyway. And really, what I'd write is much too replete with the kind of details that only mean what they really mean to the two people caught up in it. So it isn't so much a lack of time that has kept me away. As busy as a day can be, there are still quiet moments of reflection like this one spent on my warm nest three floors up in my beloved Pollyanna observing the lightening shades of grey of the new Saturday happening outside. I don't feel flustered or out of breath or wishing for extra hours. Just extra senses to feel these moments all the more. For once, writing doesn't seem to be the right outlet to capture what is in my heart. I rather just be. No way could I possibly get it down in words. I'd merely scrape the surface and drive myself batty in the trying.</div>
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I both love and loathe that there is an expiration date for engagement. To be engaged. To be so excited. So sure of so many happy memories to come. To have our whole lives ahead of us. To be in the before. With so much looking forward to look forward to in no way would I like to find myself suspended forever in this state of before. But I do want to capture it. Breathe it in. Enjoy every slow moving minute before life does it's thing and speeds up and before I know it I'm looking back at this time wondering how I didn't spend every spare moment just soaking it in.</div>
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So back to soaking it in while I listen to the day begin with aliens in the radiator doing their thing, my parents quietly talking, and my 16 day fiance wrapped up like a caterpillar on the sofa bed hopefully dreaming of something lovely like chips and salsa and not something like coming to the nuisance. </div>
jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-30080120798495117672013-11-08T10:49:00.001-07:002013-11-08T10:49:20.832-07:00PS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9WHCNhjuffvt_qg0VsQ_yTFkaGqrlJWtWcNKLivooKeTV80Vy_DIXeLitAlmm-jM2VUNhvDE68utxS46TYNoLnpZz3ATC-rjTFFhhyphenhyphenFvOjhfC-3eqqL4_eL1gAmZyN5N0xrSz6UprrLaj/s1600/Rix_J_73145-0595.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="560" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9WHCNhjuffvt_qg0VsQ_yTFkaGqrlJWtWcNKLivooKeTV80Vy_DIXeLitAlmm-jM2VUNhvDE68utxS46TYNoLnpZz3ATC-rjTFFhhyphenhyphenFvOjhfC-3eqqL4_eL1gAmZyN5N0xrSz6UprrLaj/s640/Rix_J_73145-0595.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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We're on Busath's <a href="http://busath.com/miyo/studio/engagement-pictures-salt-lake-city-utah-7/" target="_blank">blog</a> right now. Go check it out!</div>
jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-57363584082491138952013-11-08T02:57:00.000-07:002013-11-08T10:48:01.992-07:0045/52<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I know I'm behind on writing when I have to google to find out what week of the year it is. 45! What happened to the other ones in between the last post? </div>
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just a few snapshots to catch you up a bit</div>
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I miss the Pollyanna but not enough to go back. So much history there. So many wonderful memories. I left with the reassurance that it'd always have a happy place tucked in my heart. Who knew I'd have a piece of it to hang on my wall? That brilliant man of mine straight up snagged a piece of it that I'll cherish forever. Further proof to me that I snagged myself a real fine man. This guy has birthday gift giving down.</div>
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I believe if we could read Vesper's blog {I'm so sure she has one} it would tell you that she thinks this move was all about her. She has reached kitty nirvana. While I took to apartment living like squirrel in a tree, she did not. Her forlorn prowling meowing like a deranged banshee is at an all time low. I accredit this to the abundance of grass in the yard, spending all-nighters outdoors with all the other street kitties in our neighborhood, and a crawlspace she found in the wall that I've blocked off but she has most certainly not forgotten. Sometimes I find her staring at it like she does the fridge. Open! Please, <i>please</i> open!</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
My new job is a dream. Truly. Each day it has gotten better and better. This was last Friday when we all channeled our inner elf and decorated the showroom for Christmas. The way I feel right now is reminiscent of how school felt. Not anything about my work exactly. More to do with how I had so much to do at that time in my life and the ideas and creativity seemed to flow with abandon. And so much energy to do it all. I'm loving every minute of it.</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
Our house is taking shape and really starting to feel like home. Really, anytime we're there together it feels like home. You know what I mean. The boxes are unpacked, the list of things that needed to be fixed and improved are getting checked off. I know I'm going to have to remind myself occasionally that this place is a rental because I'd love to do some real work to this cute diamond in the rough.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4BPQY8PkxnoAT9OmRAowq11G8WWHCrHQLqBBZ8s3NXA2-sR74ToR6rIOIBzVRbcYBdTEp5ZJxZ_6KZ1rKZxM5npsUTS1jN1ZeW4-Ij08sCZ9ZLxl1HPHiISkCZXKKbqAbqAWC314HCSti/s1600/photo_1%255B2%255D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4BPQY8PkxnoAT9OmRAowq11G8WWHCrHQLqBBZ8s3NXA2-sR74ToR6rIOIBzVRbcYBdTEp5ZJxZ_6KZ1rKZxM5npsUTS1jN1ZeW4-Ij08sCZ9ZLxl1HPHiISkCZXKKbqAbqAWC314HCSti/s640/photo_1%255B2%255D.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And this man. Oh this man! He's the reason behind everything.</div>
<br />jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-2102405355321882932013-10-25T11:01:00.000-06:002013-11-06T14:15:48.499-07:0043/52<br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
Are you're checking back in to see if the next seven days were as action packed as the last? I can assure you the excitement level has not fizzled in the slightest. It's holding steady at an all time high and not a chance of letting up anytime soon. Please don't read me wrong here. I have not turned into one of those annoyingly always happy people. I don't trust them, so why would I join them? I mean, really, it just doesn't seem natural. But with the amount of planning and organizing and general giddiness involved in my day to day? You know this planning junkie is well supplied with all the brain fodder needed for a good time.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I'm happy to report another week of the mister and I checking off lists and making this wedding planning thing/moving thing pretty much a delightful experience. House painted {thanks to my big brother Ben to the rescue!!}- check. Suit purchased - check. Flight to our honeymoon adventure booked - check and check. {!!!}</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
None of this bridezilla stuff. No melt downs over yucky bathtubs and coming face to face with all the little imperfections of a 70+ year old home as I crawl around with a paintbrush trying to cover them all up. No getting caught up in trying to pull of a shindig that is anything but a reflection of us, and our gratitude for the people who helped get us to this point. That last part are his words, not mine. Leave it him to help me gain some perspective on why it's not a good idea to just call it good with some yummy Indian catering and run off into the sunset. I totally get it, I really do. But I'm an all or nothing kinda girl. When it comes to throwing a party equal to celebrating the happiness I feel, it's hard to set boundaries. So when my practical hey-we're-law-school-one income-kind of people right now side comes face to flip-side face with the full fledged-I've-been-dreaming-of-this-my-whole-life-romantic side... Well... you can imagine there's going to be a certain amount of soul searching on how to strike a balance. {Yes, it really is a matter of the soul. I take centerpieces very seriously.}</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
And all that has been going on in the corners reserved in my mind for fun thoughts as I finish out my last days of work, pack and clean, and paint every surface of our new house and pack and clean some more. It's been quite the week. We're past the two month mark to the Big Day so now we're into counting t-minus one month and x amount of days til forever.</div>
jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-54384800599747368462013-10-18T14:28:00.000-06:002013-10-18T14:48:37.886-06:0042/52<div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I've been thinking awhile now about how I could tell this story in a
worthwhile way while keeping to the vagaries I veer towards here on my
dear old blog. Being the reluctant blogger that I am, half in/half out
of the ideal that sharing is a good thing, I almost didn't share it
all. I've really been digging the misters way of doing things. Google
me wrong on this, aside from evidence of his time at the Deseret News,
the man is an online anomaly - not a sliver of an online presence.
He's much too busy being present in the every day. Very much the most
real and genuine character I have had the pleasure to know. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So to share, or not to?
This story that means so much to me/us. The desire to keep it safely
mine/ours leads me to ask is it like sharing love? The more you share,
the more you're capable of? Or is it like explaining, where in doing
so, you make something flat? <span style="font-size: small;"> "You say you want your story to remain
untold"</span> and while I firmly believe our stories are so important in part
for the experience gained both in the living and the observing, I do
agree with U2 on this. If it meant we'd lose any of the magic in the
telling, I would gladly keep it tucked away like the priceless gem that
it is. But if the past week of sharing it with our loved ones is any
indication, I believe this is one of those circumstances where it
becomes better in the telling. </div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
I could tell the detailed version, but the
abbreviated version skims over all the really great details that mean
so much to me while still illustrating that when something is right, it
is so effortless. It simply exists for us to hopefully see it for what
it is. Like really great design. You aren't always aware of it, or
see all the moving parts involved, it just is. It doesn't jump out and
tell you it's wonderful, it simply sneaks in, envelops you, and makes
you feel like you belong. And really, if you think of it in the grander
scheme of things kind of way - that our stories are designed by someone
who knows us much better than we know ourselves - then this story has
been uniquely tailored to him and me. Not only to be our greatest love story,
to trump all of my favorite movies and let us believe in the kind of
love we both dreamed about, but also to show us that we're very much seen and
loved by a higher power who very much knows our hearts and what we most
desire. And ultimately, knows what is best for us and how to lead us along to discover it.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
The
timeline: We went on a blind date in April, fast forward through six
months of awesomeness, and you'll find us last Tuesday sitting in the
same restaurant we went to on our first date recounting the evidences of
the hard to ignore details that brought us together and held us
together. Seeing the past six months together in this way was a really
special thing. </div>
<div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Stegner's definition of
the doppler effect is definitely at play here. Meaning: living the actual
experience and the remembering of it can never really be the same. But isn't that kind of the point of being
human? Living in a way that allows us to be aware of the blessings
unfolding around us finely tuning our senses to really see these seemingly happen-chance events as much, much more. Becoming aware of our divine nature and how we have the ability to
become much more is the intrinsic nature of life. </div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Six months and a day
later from that fateful blind date found us in my car listening to a
voicemail that further confirmed to me that there has been miracles a foot
here. I was offered my dream job with a design firm I have always
wanted to work for. I just never had any inclination to move to Utah
County to pursue it though I held it in the back of my mind as a 'one day' kind of possibility. Until now. Today just so happens to be that one day. Only David could coax me to get over
my aversion to all things Happy Valley. I never would have opened
myself up to the possibility without David drawing me down there with
that unmistakable urge to follow an adventure. I've even gone so far
as to wear a sweatshirt with a certain blue cougar on it. I'm only
saying that I'm a fan of the student, not the team. That's as far as I
can stretch right now. {Baby steps here, one thing at a time.}</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We
spent last weekend in Southern Utah with my family so on top of the
excitement of the job, and being home, I was bubbling with unexpressed
happiness about a certain lunch that happened with David and my dad the
following day. The weekend was brimming with good things. I
was certain nothing else would come of the weekend. I said so to my mom, she can back me on this. Give another weekend a chance to
be awesome too. Anticipation is a favorite feeling of mine.</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
So
when I found myself on my favorite road with my favorite human last
Saturday afternoon it hadn't even crossed my mind that it would be anything
more than just another day among the bunch of other really great days. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
And when I asked him what
he was thinking out among the desert pines, and shrub oak overlooking a
large expanse of varying shades of purple and rust colored rocks far
below us, I didn't expect him to say, 'How much I want to marry you'. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
I
didn't want him to think I was expecting more than this. Me. The
infamous gun jumper, the prodder of the inevitable, the over-planning
fruitcake that I am - I wanted to make sure this man knew that I was
perfectly content there in the pleasantly chilled sunshine, held in his arms
taking in the way the sun made his summer storm blue eyes just a little
bit golden around the middle. I wanted him to know I didn't expect any
kind of Big Question to follow that comment.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"That's not a question is it?" Said with a hug and an intention to change the subject or flit away to take a photo of something.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
His laughter. {Oh! That laughter.} "....will you?"</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"That's not a question either!?"</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But
it was quickly becoming very apparent that it was about to be a very
real question as he was digging around in his pocket at this point and
before I knew it he was kneeling down while holding my hands and asking me to
marry him.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The moments that followed mean
too much to me to share in this context, but I'll tell you I was so caught up in the moment. I was aware of the cold earth below my knees where I knelt hugging him. I was aware of the sunshine sparkling on the ring that continues to dazzle me anytime I glance down to make sure I'm not dreaming. I was letting the thrill of being so unbelievably surprised make the rest of the world fade out so I could only see and feel his
happiness and the overwhelming love I felt for him as he told me about the future he sees for us.. I felt like cohorts in the most grand scheme. And my gratitude that he'd chosen
me? It was palpable. He chose me!!! I forgot for a moment the magnitude of what he was asking
me. Of course I said yes without hesitation. Yes to the immediate
future, to the excitement of starting our life together, to a family, to
growing together. To an adventure! But how in that moment was I not
more aware of the biggest thing of all that I was saying yes to? I was saying yes to
forever! With this man that continues to surprise me with his depth of character and goodness! Had I fully grasped that in the
moment I would have been so overcome with emotion he'd probably have had
to scoop me up off the ground. I was barely holding it together as it
was. The idea of forever with my best friend still makes me wonder at
how my heart can hold all this happiness. The
elation and joy I felt in that moment with him was just a glimpse of
what forever is going to be like.</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
Because
of my human nature, a very girly chic flick loving nature at that, I
think I've beaten it into myself that this is where the love story fades
out to the happily ever after part. Which is all good and fine if that
also didn't come with a little bit of fear that the best is behind us
now in the story of how we came to be an us. This is where the movies
usually fade to credits and I'm left to imagine the real life behind the
story. But what I'm quickly discovering just one week into it is that our story will only just keep getting better. I win the best week
ever award. We celebrated six months full of
miracles big and small, I land my dream job, the man that exceeds all my best
dreams asked me to be his forever, and we found the most perfect house
to begin our story together - all within seven days. I'd rest on the seventh day. But I'm too excited to sleep. God knows us individually and has a way with loving us in the
best ways possible. I'm living proof of this. </div>
jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-88015644908714683682013-10-04T15:35:00.002-06:002013-10-07T10:48:48.534-06:0040/52<div>
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When David got to my house last Friday afternoon I felt like I needed to tie some string to my foot and tether myself to the ground for fear of floating away on a happy little cloud. We went for an impromptu hike in the foothills near my place before spending a night studying and reading. </div>
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Vesper. Her royal catness. Seeker of the sunniest spots, soul lounger of
the kitty loft, host of the Avenues Kitty Knitting Society, owner of
the kind of meow that can raise the hairs on the back of your neck, lover of all
things catnip and routine. We don't agree on the amount of food she
thinks she needs, or when to go to sleep or when to wake up, but we do agree that David is the coolest human we
know. </div>
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From the travelogue: How about a story about that time I risked a limb for a can of tuna?</div>
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Our
the second full day in Switzerland found us on the move, as did pretty much every other day. We took a handful
of trains and buses that day and when we found ourselves camped out at the Spietz train station waiting for the right train to come along with our 4th travel companion Coco onboard, Heidi and I ditched our luggage
with Nicki and wandered off in the direction of the waterfront. I immediately felt
the unmistakable energy of an unscheduled adventure. We wandered
through a pretty neighborhood nestled into a hill and when I spied a vineyard we crossed the
street and climbed up a stone embankment so we could walk between the
vines. We found ourselves
fenced in when we got to the other end and rather than turn around we climbed the iron fence, giggling about finding ourselves in such a fun
predicament on this most unscheduled train stop adventure. It started to rain a little
as we wandered along the waterfront, smelling crab and hot rolls and
other yummy smells coming from the covered patio of a small restaurant nearby. As I glanced around taking in as much as possible I wished we weren't short on time so we could stop and enjoy the
beautiful town a little bit more. That's the one downside of traveling
on a schedule not quite your own. But I gladly traded the ability to pause
where ever the mood struck for the freedom of not having to worry
about where we were headed next. I left those decisions in Nicki's very capable hands.</div>
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We boarded our next train and found Coco and had fun getting to know her {first time meeting her for Heidi and me} and the two other women seated near us while the large lakes and little towns flew by. I was enchanted with the way this day was shaping up. We transferred to a smaller train then broke out our
lunches and spread out our goods since we had the whole car to ourselves. Coco and Nicki were dining in true European style on loaves of crusty bread, stinky
cheese, and chocolate spread. Heidi had her thing going on that looked like our typical nuts and fruit squirrel diet we'd been munching on almost exclusively since leaving home. And I had my rice
cakes, a giant whole cucumber, and an unopened can of tuna. I decided I'd take advantage
of the extended train stop and empty the tuna water out the train
door. <br />
<br />
Great idea until without warning the doors slammed shut and we were on our merry
way with my hand and my can very much still on the outside the train. I tried without success to free myself from the door, but it was
clamped stubbornly shut. I was laughing so hard my yelp for help came out high
pitched and pathetic sounding, "NICKI!!! HELP!!!" Coco and Nicki came quickly to
my rescue, Coco prying the doors open while Nicki commanded me in her
most authoritative voice to "Drop the can Jenna!" But I wouldn't. Couldn't. It was the part of my lunch I was most looking forward to most.
And besides, later when they asked why I didn't just let it go, I told them I was thinking about the person who would came across an abandoned open can of
tuna and wonder why it was there. My hand was sore for a
month, but only enough to serve as a fun reminder of the day I got bit
by a train. And there you have it. One of those stories that is probably much more fun to relive if you were there.</div>
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From another train in another country, I think she and I could be friends. {Or there was a rift in the time space continuum and this is the Norwegian me?}</div>
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jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-17769710589935282992013-09-27T13:56:00.002-06:002013-09-27T14:10:26.534-06:0039/52<br />
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A little glimpse into the fun remodel project I'll be wrapping up in the coming weeks. The dust has settled, the custom carpets came this week, cabinetry is getting finished up and now we're shopping for a few final things to pull it all together. In other design related news: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Room-Recipes-Creative-Stylish-Interior/dp/1462112560" target="_blank">Room Recipes</a> {the book I was a contributor for} hit bookshelves this week! My copy is in the mail, can't wait to see it.</div>
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And a little snapshot of the local weather. I was on my way to the Awesome's when I saw snow gracing the tops of Mueller Park so I veered off the beaten path and made a quick detour to get a closer look. {And smell.... oh the smell was heavenly.}</div>
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I'm finally getting around to organizing my photos from my trip this summer and transferring my scribbled notes from my moleskine to something a little more legible. I didn't have many expectations going into the adventure so when David asked me before I left what I was looking forward to the most I told him, 'The unexpected." I hadn't thought about it much before I said it, but it was no less true. And that awareness of the possibility of the unexpected quickly became the unifying thread that tied all of the varied experiences together. </div>
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}And this is where you can stop reading if you don't want to follow me down memory lane.}<br />
From the travelogue: </div>
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We arrived in Geneva early Monday morning after flying all night after freshening up a bit in an airport bathroom straight out an Ikea catalog we hopped on a train headed for Bern. Heidi and I were both snug as bugs watching the vineyards, lakes and scenes so very European wiz by us when the next thing I know Heidi's calling my name with a tinge of uncertainty in her voice. What?! We'd both fallen asleep and missed our stop and now found ourselves headed to Zurich, an hour away aboard an Express train.</div>
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No harm done, just more of Switzerland to take in. And really, we were both a little dazed from from jet lag so we didn't mind doing so low impact sight-seeing by train. When we finally made it back to Bern after some surprisingly good Chinese food in the train station in Zurich, we were pulling into the beautiful city asking ourselves what we wanted to do with the rest of our day. We had a list of must see things we were told not to miss while we killed time before heading to Zermatt to meet up with our friend Nicki. Wandering the cobblestone roads wasn't as appealing as it might sound since it was steaming hot. That's when we spotted the beautiful river snaking through the city outside our window. And there were hoards of people swimming in it. And thus the decision was made without further thought.</div>
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We ditched our luggage in the lockers at the train station, stopped in the tourist office for a map and some advice from the kind woman who told us how to get to the safest part of the river for floating, then we wandered in that direction. Once we found our way to the path that followed the river we knew we were in the right place. Flocks of people were walking upstream barefoot in their bathing suits until they would nonchalantly dive in and float off in the beautiful jade water.</div>
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I was a little less 'chalant' and a whole lot more hesitant. Not for lack of wanting to follow through with our spur of the moment adventure, but more due to the fact that I'm more dog paddler than swimmer. I'm a swim class drop-out and while sink or swim has come into play many times in my life proving I can indeed swim, that doesn't placate the panic I feel when I'm in water deeper than me.</div>
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I was holding up the flow of people taking the steep steps down to the water to ease into the river rather than flinging themselves from the nearest tree or rock and as I stood looking up river in water rushing around my legs I laughed a nervous laugh and dropped into the water backwards with a little wave with the thought that if I had met my demise that day, at least it would be a pretty cool story. </div>
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The current was strong and everyone around me looked like they didn't have a care in the world and I was telling myself I was having fun while eyeing the bank speeding past wondering if I could cling to it if need be. That's when Heidi suggested I roll over and float. </div>
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Floating is another thing this girl doesn't do naturally. Until that day. As soon as I rolled over and let go of my fear my experience changed completely. Any left-over nervousness was gone, leaving my senses so alive I felt conscious of every ribbon of cool water flowing around me. I lazily stretched my arms back and forth as wide and as long as I could feeling the water push through my fingertips. The sun was slanting through the thick trees and stone buildings and I kept my eyes partially closed to shade the dappled light reaching me there floating down the river. <br />
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Me. Floating down a river in Bern, Switzerland. There among the shadows and puddles of light with all the other laughing, smiling float-ees. I wasn't anywhere else, nor did I want to be. I couldn't have possibly been more present right in that moment smiling up at the sky. Defining words like languid, serene, peaceful slipped through my
thoughts like the river wasn't just flowing around me anymore, but through me
infusing me with me exhilaration and emotions a river would feel if it had feelings.</div>
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By the time we swam for the bank and got out of the river at the designated spot before it went around the bend and we would submit ourselves to chances of being sucked into underwater power plant stuff {eeek!} I was ready to do it again. Instead we wandered off towards the rose gardens to see what other unexpected adventures awaited us. </div>
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jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-26033418784255707152013-09-20T14:04:00.004-06:002013-09-23T12:02:16.793-06:0038/52<br />
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Making: a pact with myself to end my scheming ways and take it a day at a time like the more relaxed people do. They make it look so easy. <br />
Cooking: up schemes. {Previous pact has already been dissolved.} "What do you want to do tonight Brain?" <i>Take over the world.</i><br />
Drinking: in this glorious sweatshirt weather. Please let it stretch out a good long while. <br />
Reading: into things. {And Angle of Repose.}<br />
Wanting: to curl up in a spot of sunshine to watch You've Got Mail<br />
Looking: forward to <i>The</i> game this weekend. {False statement alarms should be alerting the sarcasm police right now. But I'm telling myself it's true until I believe it.} Remember when I broke up with Football a few years back and it was amicable and we didn't miss each other at all? Well, there's talk of reconciliation so I'll curb my ambivalence because it's making our mutual friends sad to see love lost between us.<br />
Playing: w/my paints and scraps of maps and foreign coins<br />
Wasting: nothing. Waste not, want not they always say.<br />
Sewing: on patches to all he tears {sing it Ingrid Michaelson}<br />
Wishing: I wasn't allergic to corn and dairy anymore. Popcorn how I miss you. And your cousin the blue corn chip. And cornbread smothered in honey.<br />
Enjoying: kimchi for breakfast. {much more Korean than my brother thinks normal}<br />
Waiting: for Godot. By far the most absurd play I've seen, but has lived on as a running family joke for years<br />
Liking: this exercise in filling in the blanks. It goes well with my skittering thoughts<br />
Wondering: what kind of goodness awaits me this weekend. <br />
Loving: the feeling of loving with my whole heart<a href="http://www.branchshop.com/"><br />
</a>Hoping: I'll never run out of hope<br />
Marveling: at the intricacy and simplicity of the day to day. {It's a shame the grandeur of the ever day gets lost in the day to day-ness}<br />
Needing: socks for my cold toes. And a bike ride today. It's a must happen today kind of need.<br />
Smelling: my new lotion. And myself. {I smell like Snow Kissed Berry Kimchi}<br />
Wearing: layers. Hip hip for layering kind of weather.<br />
Noticing: how hard it is for me to take me seriously. <br />
Knowing: that everything is gunna be alright. No matter how I scheme, no matter how I worry myself silly that I worry too much, it'll be all good. <br />
Thinking: {that I'll never kick the habit of parenthetical thinking}<br />
Feeling: happy, a bit wild, conscientious, healthy, and a grab bag of other end of the Friday work day adjectives like excited/tired/restless/energized<br />
Bookmarking: the kind of sentences that make me want to learn to knit so I can knit myself a sweater out of all my favorite words strung together. I'd slip it on over my head and be infused with all the kinds of new thoughts imaginative sentences spark in me. {And no, I'm not talking about the static that would for sure be present when words like 'felicity and mischance' are cabled in next to 'vindictive vindictiveness'. Though it may feel a bit the same.}<br />
Opening: myself up to the limitless possibilities I know are in there somewhere if I'd just stop squashing them.<br />
Giggling: all the time. It's a must.jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-49304485680753335392013-09-13T11:59:00.002-06:002013-09-13T12:11:30.823-06:0037/52<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Theme of the week - scratch and sniff moments. </div>
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It's that time of summer when the smells seem to be enhanced by the fleeting end of a season, laced with a note of nostalgia. I give extra credit where it's due to the plethora of rain storms rolling through infusing the air that added intensity that comes from evaporating rain. </div>
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As the mister and I were walking back from dinner at the Tibetan place a couple blocks away I had to circle back and sniff the shoulder desert plants to be sure I really took in the blast of homesickness for my red southern desert. Next day I stopped to take a photo of a plant that captured a moment that smells like a carefree Saturday afternoon spent wandering the neighborhood hand in hand with my favorite law student taking a break from his studies. The next afternoon I could smell the vine ripened grapes before I could see them. That catapulted me back to lazy circa 1980 summers in a hurry. The rest of my week marched along to this same beat with freshly made pumpkin butter, steaming pavement mixed with fresh scrubbed canyon air, special fall slanting sunshine and of course, happiness. {It does have a smell.}</div>
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Each of the photos I've included here could come with their own scratch and sniff scent. Maybe I'm part hound, I sniff {just about} everything. Ask Ben, I was sniffing an oreo last night at The Awesome's before he snatched it away and told me he'd eat it for me in the name of migraine free living. {Oh oreos, I miss you dearly.} </div>
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Perfect example - early morning solace at the temple smelled liked warm pavement and
ominous clouds. You know the smell right? Peaceful energy from breezes that are up
to something more than just being breezy. </div>
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Or how about my spontaneous ride up City Creek after work when the clouds were black and I couldn't tell which direction they were headed. Towards me? Away? I didn't care. And the answer to my question was answered with freshly misting pavement when I reached the canyon. The storm had already done it's thing and I think I got double the cardio exercise with all the inhaling I was doing. </div>
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Picking apples in the orchard has to top the charts as far as blending
smells go. Sunshine, sun drenched apples, fermenting fruit in the deep
shadows, and plain ol' awesomeness. Grandma and Grandpa sat on the back
porch watching Ben and I picking apples like we were part of the
deer herd that is the usual orchard entertainment. While my big brother was
hard at work with the apple picker I was mostly 'lofey-ing it up' among the
branches literally breaking with fruit eating apples still warm from
sunshine. The last time he and I picked fruit in the orchard together was probably 20+ years ago. It's fun making new memories with my big brother who can now crash on my sofa without crossing an ocean. </div>
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I'll leave you with a quote that David shared a line from that made me feel better about my blogging woes.<br />
That man is a designsparrow whisperer.</div>
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Tell All The Truth</div>
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Tell all the truth but tell it slant,</div>
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Success in circuit lies,</div>
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Too bright for our infirm delight</div>
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The truth's superb surprise;</div>
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As lightning to the children eased</div>
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With explanation kind,</div>
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The truth must dazzle gradually</div>
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Or every man be blind.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Emily Dickinson</div>
jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-41727371405700769972013-09-10T12:02:00.000-06:002013-09-10T12:02:24.254-06:0036/52{ish}<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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New week, same sentiment. <br />
Friday rolled around and I tried half halfheartedly to get excited about the idea of writing my week up in a way that would capture the feeling of it. How do I even begin to fit in the enormity of how alive I feel right in any way that would be worthwhile without using too many phrases like I'm just too happy to slow down to tell you about it? <br />
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So... how about a few photos and highlights because there's always room for those.<br />
<br />
I spent a beautiful Labor Day weekend in Midway enjoying Swiss Days and long uninterrupted stretches of time with my man.<br />
Tried loving painting w/watercolors and came to the same conclusion that I'm an acrylics girl. But that doesn't mean I won't keep trying.<br />
An alpine roller coaster ride that didn't make me feel like I was too old for roller coasters.<br />
Concert with a few friends midweek that matched my mood perfectly.<br />
My first special needs mutual and I'm already loving it.</div>
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<br />jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-29133254798551768632013-08-30T14:02:00.001-06:002013-08-30T14:12:39.200-06:0035/52<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Goodness. I'm telling you my dear reader, I fret too much about what to say here. I'm at a complete loss as to how to make this a valuable use of my time. I journal about the important things elsewhere, my discussions that mean something to me happen in the real world, and my views are constantly changing on the reason I'm inclined to document the little slivers of beauty I enjoy so much. {why don't I just enjoy them? Why the impulse to share?} I dedicated my last blog book for 2012 to my future children {hopeful thinking never hurt anyone} because that gave me something to aim for. I thought of it as my way of showing them what I value in life. And I guess that's still a good thing to aspire to do with this thing. But right now it's sheer determination only that keeps me coming back here staring at a blank page and the colorful snippets of world, week after week, wondering what to put down. Where to draw the line between happy highlights and the things I'd rather spend my time writing if I were really writing just for me and not caring at all what anyone else thought. {the parenthetical thinking would run amuck if I started really saying what I meant to say {{the moment I meant to say it}} and none of us want that to happen.} Oh, it's so rough being a blogger. Poor, poor me. </div>
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This week marks a new beginning. The mister is officially a law student. And while he's only an hour away, this marks the beginning of a mostly long distance thing for us. <i>Mostly</i> being the best part of that statement. While he'll be too busy to play during the week, I'll still get to see him more than I would if he were truly as far away as he seems to be. Vesper made a good point the other day. {She's invested in this too. She and I have been taking shifts missing him. And this arrangement works for us although she is much more vocal in her lamenting.} After a Saturday afternoon of whiling away our time with chores and projects, she reminded me with one of her all-knowing looks that I have the advantage over her plight. While she has to wait for him to come scratch her ears, I have a car {and thumbs} so I should really stop acting like Provo is oh so far away and just drive there already. So I did that next day. And we made a heap of gazpacho. And it was lovely. That is one smart kitty. Oh the simple blessings. </div>
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I moved my bedroom around earlier this week which is pretty much a favorite past time of mine. I'd spend hours as a kid locked in my room rearranging my things and come out afterward feeling like I'd solved the problems of the world. Well, my world anyway. And the problem could be easily overlooked if one wanted to, for how small it might seem. But it's something that grates on me all the same. The feeling of staleness. Like I'd stopped seeing my surroundings for their familiarity. And the impulse has stayed with me ever since. I've got to shake things up every now and again. Only now it is a little harder with beautiful hardwood floors. After some really tricky furniture wrangling tricks, my bed is now facing east toward the mountains and a bank of trees that inspired the whole upheaval in the first place. My motives were simple: I want to watch them change from green to gold. And I want to do it from the comfort of my bed in the early morning light. {Which I have done the last few mornings and it was worth almost smushing myself under my bed.} Vesper oversaw the blur of activity with much dusting and window washing and general organizing of things. And when everything was just right in the world of me, I sat down with my book, my exasperated cat {she doesn't like change}, and my bowl of oatmeal, I looked out the window and laughed with pure delight. A double rainbow! Right there outside my clean windows as if it were welcoming me to my new view.<br />
<br />
I whispered a quick and sincere 'thank you' because the night before I was feeling a little boxed in. A little like as alive as I felt, that I was somehow missing my life. My <i>meaning</i> felt distorted. I was under the
wrong impression that no matter what I did to fill my time I'd still
feel hollow since I was viewing it all as just ways to while my time
away, no matter how pleasant, or good, until the weekend rolled around and I could really live again. I made the decision the next morning to change that pointless attitude. I schemed up a plan while I was at work and the first order of business was to literally change my view. So after all that, I took that well timed rainbow as a little benevolence from above making my new view feel just that much more special. </div>
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And with that, I'm off for the long weekend, hoping to soak in the beauty and fill it with sincere moments to take with me into Week Two as reserve sunshine, just in case I forget the lessons learned this week.</div>
jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-68472936837724406962013-08-23T14:11:00.001-06:002013-08-23T14:13:33.549-06:0034/52<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If you're paying close attention there are two unaccounted weeks missing. Those two weeks spent wandering through airports, sleeping on trains, questionable hostels, and by and large having the time of my life have yet to be documented other than my scribbled notes in my moleskine. I was in such a chill, relaxed state of being, I don't feel a rush to dig deeper than the level I was operating on. It was nice to
let the cares of home sink to the shadowy depths, meanwhile I found myself skimming along
the surface feeling
completely content not having any pressing needs that
weren't being met by my supply of nuts, dried fruit and rice cakes and the ever changing views
around me. {We ate other things, but I did feel a bit like a squirrel for my choice in travel snacks.}</div>
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Long gone are the days of fearing that if I don't blog about it then it must not have happened. I don't remember why I bought into that way of thinking. But I'm not discounting it or making excuses for it either. It served a purpose then, just as this new way of approaching what I capture here is serving me well now.</div>
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I've been sitting here quietly thinking about what I'd like to say today if I wanted to say anything at all. And really the only things that come to mind are the things I'm grateful for. The most simple, basic, mystical things. The way God speaks to my heart. My health. My simple corner of this expansive planet. Sharing my heart with by far the most amazing human I've ever had the pleasure to know. The almost imperceptible shift toward autumn, aka my very most favorite season. The electric feeling of a new beginning. For poetry that makes me laugh through the happiest of tears. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the strength of the Lord, I can do all things.</span></div>
<br />jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5630525474337450847.post-37690745184206769282013-08-02T12:46:00.003-06:002013-08-21T12:59:50.842-06:0031/52<div style="text-align: justify;">
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We went to a backyard discussion lead by a Buddhist monk a couple evenings ago and while I didn't feel especially moved by anything he said, I'm still thinking about a few things that play nicely with how I view the world. Which may sound narrow minded that I choose to continue thinking only about the things that fit in with my world view. I weighed the other stuff he shared and happily left it there in the evening shadows. </div>
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So while I had my toes tucked into the cool grass, watching the shadows chase the
sunshine across the wild backyard garden, and the mountains basking in a
sunset I couldn't see, these are a few of those things that I was willing to tuck away with me.</div>
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I create my reality by what stories I tell myself about the past and the future, and how capable I am of living in the present. He asked who we'd be if we didn't have out stories. Can you even imagine that? My stories are so dear to me. And maybe that is the point. Making sure those stories are who I am and not letting them overtake me. </div>
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My thoughts determine the type of relationships I have. </div>
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"I have everything I need within me." When I'm frustrated, tired, anxious, ad nauseum, I have the ability to reach within myself and find peace, happiness, balance. I do think there is a missing element to this idea unless it includes the ability to communicate on a personal level with my creator. I'm not in this alone, nor would I want to be. I can dig as deep as I want to into myself searching for inner peace and come up empty handed without His help.</div>
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I need to master the ability to quickly let go and forgive because it was over the moment it happened. I am the only one who determines whether or not I carry it past that point and burden myself with it. </div>
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If I can learn to love in terms of the word agape, which means 'to let be' I can love without judgement. </div>
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And probably my favorite concept shared that night is that soil has the potential to grow anything we choose to plant. It is up to us to determine what our focus will be. </div>
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So here's to being more aware of my present tense self, not who I was, or who I want to be. And pay better attention to the kinds of stories I'm telling myself because it really is up to me to shape my reality. In keeping with this new effort, I'm skipping the highlight list this week in hopes that not distilling them into one liners will allow them to keep all their loveliest dimensions. </div>
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I'm off for some adventures with some pretty stellar girls amongst some pretty spectacular mountains. Or so I've been hearing. I'll let you know when I get back.</div>
jenna mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15012120782683737032noreply@blogger.com2