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Goodness.  I'm telling you my dear reader, I fret too much about what to say here.  I'm at a complete loss as to how to make this a valuable use of my time.  I journal about the important things elsewhere, my discussions that mean something to me happen in the real world, and my views are constantly changing on the reason I'm inclined to document the little slivers of beauty I enjoy so much.  {why don't I just enjoy them?  Why the impulse to share?}  I dedicated my last blog book for 2012 to my future children {hopeful thinking never hurt anyone} because that gave me something to aim for.  I thought of it as my way of showing them what I value in life.  And I guess that's still a good thing to aspire to do with this thing.  But right now it's sheer determination only that keeps me coming back here staring at a blank page and the colorful snippets of world, week after week, wondering what to put down.  Where to draw the line between happy highlights and the things I'd rather spend my time writing if I were really writing just for me and not caring at all what anyone else thought.  {the parenthetical thinking would run amuck if I started really saying what I meant to say {{the moment I meant to say it}} and none of us want that to happen.} Oh, it's so rough being a blogger.  Poor, poor me.

This week marks a new beginning.  The mister is officially a law student.  And while he's only an hour away, this marks the beginning of a mostly long distance thing for us.  Mostly being the best part of that statement.  While he'll be too busy to play during the week, I'll still get to see him more than I would if he were truly as far away as he seems to be.  Vesper made a good point the other day.  {She's invested in this too.  She and I have been taking shifts missing him.  And this arrangement works for us although she is much more vocal in her lamenting.}  After a Saturday afternoon of whiling away our time with chores and projects, she reminded me with one of her all-knowing looks that I have the advantage over her plight.  While she has to wait for him to come scratch her ears, I have a car {and thumbs} so I should really stop acting like Provo is oh so far away and just drive there already.  So I did that next day.  And we made a heap of gazpacho. And it was lovely.  That is one smart kitty.  Oh the simple blessings.

I moved my bedroom around earlier this week which is pretty much a favorite past time of mine.  I'd spend hours as a kid locked in my room rearranging my things and come out afterward feeling like I'd solved the problems of the world.  Well, my world anyway.  And the problem could be easily overlooked if one wanted to, for how small it might seem.  But it's something that grates on me all the same.  The feeling of staleness.  Like I'd stopped seeing my surroundings for their familiarity.  And the impulse has stayed with me ever since.  I've got to shake things up every now and again.  Only now it is a little harder with beautiful hardwood floors.  After some really tricky furniture wrangling tricks, my bed is now facing east toward the mountains and a bank of trees that inspired the whole upheaval in the first place.  My motives were simple: I want to watch them change from green to gold.  And I want to do it from the comfort of my bed in the early morning light.  {Which I have done the last few mornings and it was worth almost smushing myself under my bed.}  Vesper oversaw the blur of activity with much dusting and window washing and general organizing of things.  And when everything was just right in the world of me, I sat down with my book, my exasperated cat {she doesn't like change}, and my bowl of oatmeal, I looked out the window and laughed with pure delight.  A double rainbow!  Right there outside my clean windows as if it were welcoming me to my new view.

I whispered a quick and sincere 'thank you' because the night before I was feeling a little boxed in.  A little like as alive as I felt, that I was somehow missing my life.  My meaning felt distorted.  I was under the wrong impression that no matter what I did to fill my time I'd still feel hollow since I was viewing it all as just ways to while my time away, no matter how pleasant, or good, until the weekend rolled around and I could really live again.  I made the decision the next morning to change that pointless attitude.  I schemed up a plan while I was at work and the first order of business was to literally change my view.  So after all that, I took that well timed rainbow as a little benevolence from above making my new view feel just that much more special.

And with that, I'm off for the long weekend, hoping to soak in the beauty and fill it with sincere moments to take with me into Week Two as reserve sunshine, just in case I forget the lessons learned this week.